Hi, I'm Mommy... I mean, Ashley.

"Will you hand Mommy that paper, please?"

What's wrong with this sentence? Well, nothing, if I'm speaking to my children. Only when I say this aloud, I was at work asking a coworker to kindly hand me a piece of paper. The coworker, with an odd expression, asked no questions and gave me the sheet I needed. "Me, I meant..." I said, trying to correct, but the damage had been done.

I've been a mother since I was seventeen. My son Kenneth was born three days before my eighteenth birthday. A year later, Jackson followed. And 2 years after Jack, Dominick completed our family. Since then, I've always referred to myself in third person. But not in a pompous manner. More of a "Mommy said no" or "Hold Mommy's hand, please" sort of way.

Which leads me to my point. I know I'm a mother, and have been for 5 years now. But finding myself, not the mother, but the me on the inside has been a difficult task. I don't even know if there is such a thing as existing beyond motherhood. But I've come to the conclusion that my children will not always be children. And when they one day grow into adults and journey on their own, what will be left of me?

The boys and I have been growing together this year, it seems. Being a young mother with young children, it seems only natural that we're blossoming at the same time. However, this was not my intent of an ideal family. I can't say that I've ever dreamed of having a family of my own. The idea of being responsible for the upbringing and outcome of an adult frightened me terribly. My dreams were mainly selfish ones: be rich & travel. But I've always carried the idea of a 'real' family with me. I was raised by a single mother, so I didn't want to carry on that all too traditional trend in my family. I wanted to break the cycle and marry Prince Charming, live in a cottage and have perfect little children.

Wake up, princess! I've learned that whether I like it or not, life happens. And you either get with it or get lost. Preparing, planning, organizing and learning can take you further than anything will. Obviously, planning and preparing were not verbs I practiced frequently in earlier years. But we're here now, the four of us. Yeah, I'm a single mom. Yeah, we live in a crazy neighborhood. Yeah, but job's tough and I lack lots of sleep. We don't have nice fancy things, and even cable television is a luxury at this point. But this is OUR life. We're going to love it and live it, and make the best out of every minute of it.